So today I went to visit my grandma at her new retirement home in Kirkland. The place is really nice and it has a parking garage with visitor spaces. Of course some spaces are specifically for compact cars, which I have. But I ended up having to manuever around this giant Suburban, backing up and pulling forward several times until I could get my car into the space. I see this happening in every parking garage/lot. Who do these people think they are in their Suburbans and SUVs parking in a compact space? Don't get me wrong - I'm usually down for breaking parking lot rules, such as "20 minutes only" or "Pregnancy parking", but that's because those things don't carry the same social impact as the "compact car" suggestion. If it didn't matter whether someone had a compact car then there wouldn't be special spaces created for them. The compact car space is designed to reward those who are socially and environmentally responsible enough not to hog the road, blind people with their raised headlights, contribute to U.S. dependence on foreign oil, or provide fallible proof of having a large penis. When someone with a giant vehicle takes a spot designed for my VW, it annoys me, to say the least. It's on my list of annoying things. (I'll work on that list and post it in the future.) So anyway, I found a notecard and pen in my glovebox and left the owner of the Suburban a note tucked under the windshield wiper. It read, "You do not have a compact car. Please have respect for those who do." Of course, my first instinct was to write a number of explatives, but I've come to understand that you really do attract more flies with honey than "FUCK YOU, YOU COCKSUCKING DOUCHEMACHINE!" I figure the note might have pissed off the owner at first, but like boiled cabbage seeps through the ceiling of the apartment below until the smell is so overwhelming that you can no longer deny it's presence, so too will my words. Next time Suburban owner goes to park in an undeserved compact car space, my words will drift through their mind. They may not heed my advice just yet, they will remember. And every time they enter a parking lot or garage and see a sweet little compact care space right near the entrance, they'll remember. They'll remember until eventually my note has permeated their soul and the guilt can no longer be quashed by six packs of Coors Light and episodes of America's Got Talent. You will rue the day Suburban owner...you will rue the day.
RSS Feed